A friend posted this on facebook, presumably somewhere in SF. We knew this sad moment was coming, though so many of us have been hoping she’d rally and praying for an extended delay of her transition. She held on as long as was intended, and now I trust she’s enveloped in a realm of unconditional love and light. What an honor to have been on this planet with Ruth Bader Ginsberg - a fierce and brilliant icon, hero, champion, and beacon for human liberation. She is celebrated and sorely missed already! I feel happy that the 2 films RBG Documentary and On The Basis Of Sex were released and her amazing life and work on full display while she was still with us.
USPS
As it’s been almost 30 days, I called customer service at at a company to check on the status of a refund. I was told that the USPS had withheld delivering their packages for a couple of weeks, hence, there’s a backlog. Because of this, the company was switching to FedEx.
Of course, I have felt upset and anxious over the plethora of injustices, demise of democracy, and oligarchy from republicans in power. What’s really disturbing to me, though, is the torpedoing of our postal service, such a long-standing, important institution.
I’ve heard that if many of us purchase rolls and sheets of stamps, we can bail it out. Although this certainly does not address all the mail sorting machines that were ordered to be and have been destroyed ostensibly to influence the upcoming election results, I will buy more sheets of butterfly and possibly Ruth Asawa forever stamps. I realize, however, that “forever” is an interesting concept .
Oops 13
In 2009, I met a young woman at CIIS’s Sound Voice Music Healing Program. We became dear friends and have enjoyed many moments together maneuvering through the adventures of this life’s journey. In 2015 she graduated from a master’s program in psychology and my gift to her was going to be a harp which she had an affinity for. Try as I might, the harp just wasn’t happening, and I felt baffled as to another appropriate gift. I told her a gift was forthcoming but delayed. That was an understatement!
In I think 2017 she came over to my place for dinner and remarked that she really liked one of my Oops paintings. Voila! Another gift idea, except that there were a few issues. My vision for a future Oops show included that piece, one of the few on canvas, one of my favorites, and my attachment issues just didn’t allow for parting of ways. I’ve been very careful to hold onto my pieces until I felt clarity of direction. I know that my Oops paintings are now ready for a show, to be priced and sold, while others are integral to books in progress and my narrative, thus, must keep.
Fast forwarding to 2020, just prior to helping her move into her own apartment on a Sunday a couple of weeks ago, I asked if she needed me to bring anything. Her response was a pan and a painting I could loan her. The pan was easy as I had just purchased one, felt indecisive about keeping it and knew she’d love it. With the painting, I paused knowing that loaning doesn’t work in the long run; that anything given should be given without expectation. But, I felt excited at the notion of a painting and gravitated towards this 11 x 14 linen canvas. Although it’s part of a denim trilogy and special, I though it would be perfect for her and in my highest good to give.
When I gave this to her along with a heartfelt card, in addition to feeling utterly thrilled, she commented that she had a vision of a ribbon cutting ceremony symbolizing embarking on a new beginning. A launching of sorts out into the world. For both of us actually! I felt so happy to finally complete my promise thereby regaining my gift integrity. We also both realized that the right timing was now, not way back in 2015. Certainly more can be written about that, and I probably will!
Bold
Good word and It resonates! “I AM confident and courageous.”
“Everyone is blessed with a unique set of gifts and talents. Like the paints on an artist’s palette, these gifts bring richness and vibrance to the canvas of life. The more I nurture my talents, the more confidently and boldly I can use them. When I know who I am and what my strengths are, I can show up in the world with courage and enthusiasm.
Hiding my gifts makes my life feel dull and devoid of color. Sharing the richness of my talents adds bright, bold splashes of vibrancy to my life. Using my abilities heightens my awareness of others’ gifts and the kaleidoscopic range of talents in the world around me. Eager to share boldly of myself, I step out authentically and fearlessly to make the world a brighter place.” (Unity Daily word for Tuesday, September 15, 2020.)
Revelatory
Labor Day weekend was an interesting mix. Friday night I got together with a couple of girlfriends and had a lovely dinner outside at a restaurant in Marin. The weather was warm and the sky was clear. An added perk was great music from a band close by. Saturday I went to the Farmer’s Market and, for some reason, walked home feeling very lonely. That feeling of loneliness persisted and escalated through Sunday. Although I’ve lived alone for 11 years now, the forced, deeper isolation from shelter-in-place mandates has been really tough to deal with as a single person. I have internally resisted the extended promotion of social disconnect and lack of attention given to the value of social interaction as an immune booster. In fact, across the board, immune boosting just has not fit into the equation of any government official’s messages and plethora of mandates. Not much is mentioned of the value of sleep, meditation, exercise, good diet, connecting with others as much as possible in alternative, safe ways, etc., etc., etc.
Monday morning I hiked with a friend at Tennessee Valley. The moment I drove into the packed parking lot, I started to feel something shifting. Surprisingly, the trail we took to the ocean was not crowded; hikers were spread out over the multiple trail options. The fresh air, exercise, people frolicking on the beach and in the ocean, and engaging conversation felt like magic and welcome reprieve.
Tuesday I woke up feeling great. Something did shift with revelatory energies replacing feelings of loneliness from isolation.
I AM An Artist
Even though I have so many works stashed in a small, spare room and overflowing into my living space leaning up against walls, I must and want to start painting again.
I AM
I’ve referenced these two words in a previous post after suddenly realizing it’s important to be careful with what I attach to them. If “I Am” is the essence of my spirit and in integration with a human experience, it started to feel strange to say “I’m sorry”, I’m scared”, I’m sad”, I’m lonely”, “I’m hungry”, I’m angry”, “I’m tired”, “I’m jealous”, or even “I’m happy”. These are feelings, not my intrinsic nature. So, I’ve set an intention to say I feel sorry, I feel scared, sad, etc.
Given my emotionally challenging human experience, I continue to seek sources of support and inspiration. Waking up and reading this page from Daily Word yesterday was affirming:
“I claim my divine identity and speak the truth of my being as I affirm: I AM whole and strong. I AM wise. I AM free. If my human self thinks I can’t or I’m not able, my divine nature responds with I can! I AM intelligent because the light of God fills my mind. I AM healthy because the God in me flows throughout my body. I AM loving and peaceful because the love of God is my very nature. I use my I AM mindfully and with intention, careful not to attach it to words that negate my spiritual nature. I feel the presence and power of God expressing as me every time I speak the truth about myself. I affirm: I AM in all situations, positively responding from the center of truth within me. In all things, God is and I AM.”
Highly Evolved:
One Life
I sat down last night in front of the TV and started scrolling through the channels. Marshall immediately caught my attention, and for the running time of 118 minutes, I was riveted to the screen. Somehow I had missed this film in 2017 featuring Chadwick Boseman even though I made sure to see Black Panther in 2018, one of my all time favorites.
Like so many others, when I heard of his shocking, recent passing, I felt and still feel very sad. His work will forever remain brilliant, extraordinary, powerful, and inspiring. I would say in his short life he accomplished what Gandhi said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” In my opinion, he will be sorely missed for the creative expression of this embodiment.
Homeless Tents
A few days ago I excitedly got into my vehicle and headed over to my framer’s shop. As I approached her wide alley, it was shocking to see all the tents lined up on the sidewalk. One right after another! It felt disconcerting to see yet another sidewalk in SOMA overtaken by the homeless, tents, and all their disheveled belongings. When I asked her what’s going on, she replied that it’s being “controlled”, that police come by periodically to make sure the situation is “calm”.
To pay high commercial rent and have to contend with this is beyond absurd. So is issuing and maintaining strict shelter-in-place mandates for all of us who pay high property taxes while homeless folks are allowed free rein of the city streets day and night to do whatever whenever, and the reduction in our property values. This is just not right!
Homelessness is not a monetary issue, rather one of policy. So much money is being allotted and spent on this issue to no avail year after year, and the problem is getting worse. It’s the fault of the governor, mayor who’s in over her head, the board of supervisors, and other officials committed to bad policies. Drug and alcohol use has been decriminalized, and it’s now legal for people to live on the streets. Leniency over tough love is the norm and, as a consequence, SF is starting to look and feel like Gotham.
Similar to the hair salon visit, I feel confident that Nancy Pelosi, Diane Feinstein, and Gavin Newsom for starters would never allow tents to be lined up on the sidewalks flanking their homes and businesses.
Whoa!
Hair Styling
Oh my, Ms. Pelosi got caught on camera in a SF hair salon with a mask around her neck and not on her face. This was a major OOPS, possibly a campaign gift to the republicans. It’s definitely a slap in the face to all of us who have suffered through days and days of feeling disheveled and unattractive, and to all the salon owners and stylists who have lost so much business and income. SF is still under mandates that have closed salons and forbidden blowouts yet she was allowed and seized the privilege. Not good for a super savvy political strategist who I’ve voted for repeatedly.
Am I feisty about this? Yes! I waited for 5 1/2 months to get a cut by my stylist in Marin. With mandates altered to allow for outdoor cutting there, I finally secured an appointment in late July. My hair was cut in the backyard of a dear friend on a beautiful, sunny day. It was an adventure and, although I felt relieved to finally have the weight removed, the cut was not up to par. As such, and because she approached it as a crisis cut and removed 3 inches, I have struggled with the styling ever since. I now know why sitting in front of a mirror is so important!
At the very least now, Newsom and Breed ought to ease the restrictions and allow for the reopening of salons. Further, I’ve grown frustrated with the pushing of policies that have been detrimental to our economy and small businesses.
