One day serious self-doubt crept in. I felt very alone, wondering what my life was, and unable to see my future. I was in an apartment exceeding the time period I swore it was limited to when I took the plunge and purchased it. My exact words were, this will work for 2 years! The old reconverted warehouse really wasn’t a match and soon-to-find out culture. Neither was the neighborhood in downtown San Francisco. Not comforting, serene, or nurturing for this HSP (highly sensitive person.) Naturally, I began to reminisce about my entire life up to that point, and what I had given up this latter half in blowing up the family unit, leaving the long-term marriage, beautiful houses, and bit of a jet-set lifestyle. Emotionally, I was not in a good place.
With desperation, I reached for a large piece of Duralene, a matte surface, paper-like film that accepts any media, and placed it on my expansive table. I then grabbed a tiny bottle of black acrylic ink with a squirt top and, in frenetic motion, squirted the ink all over the surface. It was as though my conscious self was in a trance and the force of creativity took over. This process of expression and perhaps expulsion was amazingly quite fast and complete. When I finished, I looked at the work and felt thrilled to see a robust figure playfully in motion. What popped into my head was A Hero’s Journey. It was resoundingly clear I’ve been on a hero’s journey from victim to transpersonal since birth; that I AM a hero!
Immediately, I felt calm with a deeper understanding and appreciation of myself, in the midst of unfathomable fear, for forging ahead with tremendous courage on a path of autonomy and unbridled exploration of my potential. On this quest, I have experienced and endured many surprising, excruciating emotional hurdles and wasn’t sure at times if I would survive let alone thrive.
Once again, art has saved me. Whenever I look at this figure in ink, I am struck with clarity of purpose and inspiration to keep expanding through my daily life with love, beauty, forgiveness, compassion, boldness, and authenticity.
