High Net Worth Divorce

I’ve been following the divorce proceedings of Christine Baumgartner and Kevin Costner. Although dollar amounts differ, they are quite familiar and triggering. Being a realist, I think she may be up shit creek without a paddle. She signed a horrible prenup 18 years ago that, of course, strategically favored him. Then, she chose full-time homemaking including birthing and raising 3 children. In my experience, the patriarchal family law legal system in California is unquestionably rigged in favor of the male provider. Per the Leland’s Journal March/April 1998 (Stanford Magazine), Economist Myra Strober said “Full-time homemaking is probably the riskiest occupation around. It has no protections except the ones that the courts give it.” Courts meaning judges with unlimited discretionary power. Add to this that she left him and now vengeance, ego, and retaliation might be in play.

At some point, she likely will understand that when there’s a divorce, status changes with lifestyles impacted. Having been in a similar position, I feel empathy and compassion for her. Judging from the prenup arrangements, for her to potentially walk away with so little is ridiculous.

With full understanding of the enormity of the process she initiated, she is a courageous woman to choose freedom!

HOA (Homeowners Association)

I’ve referred to my condo building before expressing frustration with the ongoing poor management and culture of low standards. Add the lack of organizational justice, the extent to which an organization treats people fairly. Ultimately the stress I experience is because I do not have autonomy in decision making, and autonomy is crucial for my well-being. HOA’s are just not for me and, needless to say, I welcome the opportunity to fly the coop!

Early on in my ownership, there were issues I could not remain silent on. So, I chose to become the activist and advocate. After 7 1/2 years of this, I decided to run for the Board with the intention of greater success with more authority. I was elected in January 2023, and my title became Board VP.

I didn’t realize I was jumping into politics, a low vibrational energetic field. It was a rocky start as 2 of the 5 Board members initially illegally manipulated the election to prevent me and another woman from getting elected, causing our counsel to get involved. Within a few months, our management company gave 60 days’ notice that it was getting out of the HOA business. My strong ally at that company quit, and I knew more trouble would ensue. It was like swimming against the current, but I managed to activate positive movement and accountability and even crossed one big item off of the deferred maintenance list within 4 months.

Then, shockingly, I became a scapegoat for the unstable, nervous front desk attendant/assistant community manager who was an employee of the management company. Disgruntled with his company and having silently quit, he resisted my attempts to get things fixed and stop the safety and security breaches. Completely disrespecting my Board position, fiduciary duties, and accountability to the community, he started denigrating my character and spreading falsehoods that I was micromanaging, bullying, and making him miserable.

Circling back to the 2 Board members who worked to keep me off the Board, they became his allies and ardent protectors enabling him to do whatever he wanted. Mind you, true to form, there was no concern about spending our HOA funds on someone who was emotionally unstable, repeatedly exercised poor judgment, had no follow through, caused safety and security breaches, etc. To my horror, they exacerbated the situation by insisting that our new management company hire him to continue as the assistant community manager and voting to give him a 5% raise without a review.

All communications and requests to these fellow Board members and the new management company to stop him from further damaging my character, disrupting my professional role within the HOA, and promoting divisiveness in the community, were to no avail. I warned them that if this continued I would pursue my rights. Stupidly and myopically, they didn’t take me, the reputed activist and advocate, seriously.

As the situation persisted and this disgruntled employee just could not keep my name out of his freewheeling, gossipy mouth, I enlisted the support of my really good HOA attorney. The day he received a Cease and Desist Notice from her he quit! Walked off the job! But, before he left, he attacked me gain and spread the word he received this letter. Of course, he did not take the time to leave pertinent codes and passwords for our systems, but he made sure to denounce me further. In actuality and per my attorney, he was the bully!

Politics are not for me. This extracurricular activity I chose of being on this highly dysfunctional HOA Board (most are) has brought me great distress. My body has been letting me know I have to make a choice to take care of myself because I have had one weird physical symptom after another. In repeatedly asking myself if this is yet another creative u-turn and distraction to avoid sharing my art and writing with the world, the answer is now yes.

I congratulate myself for signing up for a stronger leadership role. However, as I’ve worked hard to rid myself of people who have harassed and blocked me this lifetime, including a husband and siblings, to be mired in this familiar territory is unacceptable. Resignation is forthcoming, and I’m focusing once again on my creative projects, e.g, this post.

In solidarity, a dear friend addressed me as Warrior Sista and sent this quote by Ara Campbell:

“Everyone loves the feminine when soft and calm. What about when she rages unapologetically against injustice, raises her fist in the air? No. Then she should keep her voice down. You can try to burn her at the stake but flames won’t silence her. She is the fire of truth and she will burn your outdated world to the ground. That is why you fear her.”

My Name

About a year ago, I participated in an equine workshop separate from my monthly equine coaching training. Shortly before the workshop began, a couple of unknown women approached and introduced themselves. They seemed pleasant enough. Immediately after I uttered my first name, one woman said, “Oh, that’s terrible what’s happened to your name!” The other chimed in with, “Yeah, it’s awful. How do you feel about it?” I quickly responded that it didn’t pertain to me. Then, I politely moved away.

As I kept this at bay and purposefully had not delved into the intricacies of the destructive spinning of my name and mockery, it was slightly off-putting to start my morning with this bit of confrontation. Presumably they were trying to express compassion and attempting to connect. Regardless, it didn’t work for this HSP.

Fast forward to recently reading Charles Eisenstein’s latest 2022 book, The Coronation. He’s described as a counter countercultural philosopher. In this, he addresses topics such as our systems of religion, medicine and big Pharma, vaccines, authoritarianism, democracy, etc. He writes about the susceptibility within the collective psyche, “transformation of consciousness and culture,” and a shift in our mythology for the possibility of liberation. He refers to separateness and societal division with a seeming agenda for collective reunion and evolution of humanity.

I enjoyed entertaining his perspectives up until the very end wherein he inserted, “When “Karens” report on their neighbors for having more than the permitted number of guests….” Ostensibly, this was to prove his point about societal disobedience and that it’s offensive to some people. Reading these words in his book took my breath away for a moment. I felt utterly shocked and duped by this intellectual and his plethora of words explaining the ills of society and our systems and paving the way to collective well-being. He mindlessly jumped on the pop culture band wagon and propagated the meme denigrating and destroying the good name of many women. His hypocrisy was infuriating and perhaps highlighted his own entitlement as a Yale-educated white male with 4 boys. I wrote to him and his team to express my displeasure and didn’t hear back. Some have called him a visionary. To me, he’s now just another being who’s trying to figure out the complexities of this human condition. I understand everyone falls out of awareness from time to time.

Even with this understanding, I found myself reacting to the “Karen” stigma and went into a bit of a funk. I started to think about other suitable names I’d feel good about. This uncomfortable process lasted for a couple of weeks. Then, I adjusted the lens I was looking through and realized I love my name. Karen is a strong name, and I am unequivocally a strong woman. Add my last name and I have a powerful combination. In fact, today I was speaking to a technician and, after stating my full name, he enthusiastically said, “that sounds like a Super Hero!” He’s the first male and 3rd person to tell me this. So, no more fretting, darling. It doesn’t get much better than that!

P.S. Spiritually, Karen “symbolizes strength, resilience, honesty, integrity, simplicity, and humility.”

Purloin

Word of the Day 3/19/23, Dictionary.com - To take dishonestly; steal; filch; pilfer. Used in a sentence - Along with two other sisters, older sister of 16 months and her twin sons habitually lied, cheated, engaged in elder financial abuse and, in so doing, managed to purloin my inheritance. I do believe in the boomerang effect and most definitely karmic reckoning for others and myself. In process, this is still all playing out, so best to stand in the possibility that extraordinary things are going to happen.

Gumption

A favorite word. The English Dictionary definition is “shrewd or spirited initiative and resourcefulness”. Gumption has enabled me to develop tremendous skills of resiliency in encountering, maneuvering through and around many obstacles involving bewildering people, places, and associated traumas. The themes are consistent. I understand connecting the dots and this lifetime of untraditional relationships and complicated set of contracts, karmic reckoning, and clearing. To use the words of a lecturer whose name I do not remember, “With a sword of steely intention and shield of self-determination”, I am doing the job and evolving!

Social Media And Smart Phones

In a February18 BuzzFeed article on actor Michael Cera, he explains why he doesn’t use social media and smart phones and feels uncomfortable in the limelight. He said, “I’m just a very sensitive person, and very sensitive to the people that I meet and to other people’s energies. So, I love people a lot and really love the people that make sense to me, that my brain can understand as human beings. But there’s just so many people on planet Earth that are confusing to me.”

As an HSP, my sentiments too from a very young age and continuing!

Cody's Wish

For the last 19 months I’ve been in an equine coaching program happily working with amazing horses. They are such sentient beings with enormous heart radiuses. It’s been stunning to experience the healing power of the horses. In the midst of tremendous societal turmoil, here’s a very touching story:

System Of Patriarchy

On 8/23, I listened to The Daily Podcast on The Effort to Punish Women for Abortions. It featured a pastor with 5 children and a woman who had an abortion when she was young and subsequently started working at her church. She now calls herself a “sinner” and is a fervent anti-abortionist along with the pastor. Although I have a few friends who listen to opposing viewpoints with a degree of neutrality, I am not able to do so. I feel so incredibly angry at the injustice of severely punishing women especially as if getting pregnant is a solo act and as if a fetus is a viable entity. Isn’t this about fundamentalism and the intersection of staunch mis-guided religion, sexism, racism, and patriarchy to oppress and eliminate women’s rights to have authority over our own bodies? What ever happened to truly taking care of ourselves and not abdicating this authority? Make no mistake about it, women are highly complicit in allowing this male domination to persist and propagate!

In the background of this canvas piece is a transfer of a photo of far-right members of Congress, mostly male with a few women sprinkled in. Perhaps I’ll create another piece that includes our militant far-right supreme court justices.

Cosmetic Escapade

I went into a downtown department store with one goal in mind - to purchase a particular lipliner. My usual, honest salesperson who never oversells was off for the day. As I approached a saleswoman and asked for the lipliner, another woman, presumably the line’s make-up artist, interjected asking if she could show me something that would enhance my eyes. Open to learning a new technique, I said sure but stipulated I didn’t want any of my eye makeup undone and I needed it to be a quick tutorial. She assured me of both. OMG, rusty due to Covid-curtailed shopping, I got myself trapped!! She added what seemed to be a copious amount of serum under my eyes and then layered it with eye cream. Then she applied 2 different concealers, black eyeliner and more mascara. True, she did not apply makeup remover and remove my eyeliner, mascara, eye cream, and concealer. However, did she “undo” what I had applied? Undo meaning “cancel or reverse the effects or results (of a previous action or measure.”) Fittingly, there was nothing quick about this! Even though I was monitoring sensitivity to the fragrances, I felt relieved that what she did to my eyes which, by the way, was not an enhancement, did not necessitate racing home to get it all off before I went out for the evening.

In essence and unsurprisingly in retrospect, her intention was to sell me many additional products. Luckily, reinforcements came with a call from my son. He provided a pause, a jolt out of the sales spell she was attempting to cast on me and the trap I got myself into. This was immediately followed by the fact that the store was out of the products. Despite her insistence on ordering them online right then and there, I politely said no thank you and that I was out of time. She then looked at me and sternly said, “This isn’t fair of you, I spent my time, I gave to you, and now I won’t get compensated.” I responded with, “I really have to go and thank you.” I did walk away with my heart tugged a bit and feeling compassion for her. I also realized I am not responsible for her, so compassion for myself too. I only asked for 1 product.

Eww! In combination with intrusive energy, what an uncomfortable experience! Definitely an unusual one in my years of brick-and-mortar shopping, and one I will be mindful of not repeating certainly at the cosmetic counter.